What Do I Really Want?

When people ask me what I want the first word that pops in my head is “freedom”. But depending on who is asking, I always end up saying something easier to explain like “to be happy” or “to be successful”. For as  long as I can remember I’ve always just wanted to be free even though I’ve never given myself a chance to explore this feeling.

From childhood till now I’ve been constantly engaged…primary school to masters and straight to work. As a student I worked every summer holiday and never traveled as much as I should have. As an adult I was always in some kind of committed relationship – stated or unstated (usually stated).

I constantly feel so weighed down by expectations. The feeling that you’re not quite doing enough. Is this where I want to be at this stage in my career? Do I want to be with this person? And the main question comes – am I truly happy? This is usually when the depression hits.

If this feeling is so strong in me then why don’t I just do it? Take a year out, take time off everything and everyone and see what I want. Maybe I will eventually. But as of today, I don’t have the strength it takes to make the decision.

Perhaps it’s not what I really want?

What do I really want?

2 thoughts on “What Do I Really Want?

  1. I know this feeling! To hunger to be irresponsible in freedom, Embrace each day and moment as it comes without the constant ” what if”. To want to see the world beyond where you are but who will pay the bills etc. But then status quo living just feels so mundane especially when there’s a constant feeling deep down that your life should be much more… the internal battles of adulting

    Liked by 1 person

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