Jealousy

jealous
/ˈdʒɛləs/
adjective
  1. feeling or showing an envious resentment of someone or their achievements, possessions, or perceived advantages.
  2. feeling or showing a resentful suspicion that one’s partner is attracted to or involved with someone else.
  3. fiercely protective of one’s rights or possessions.

Based on my experiences, I’ve noticed that the feeling of jealous changes at different stages of a relationship.

In the early stages most of the feelings falls into the second definition. It can be a very shallow emotion – “how can you be attracted to or interested in someone else when you have me!?” It also usually boils down to the physical, the constant feeling that you think your partner wants to have sex with other people. There is really nothing that can be done about this feeling, sometimes it’s a personality thing, sometimes it’s baggage from past relationships, sometimes its actually seeing your partner trying to or successfully having sex with other people.

Further into relationships the feeling of jealousy becomes the one in the third definition. You see your partner as something that is yours and you don’t want anyone trying to play with your shit (it’s irrelevant if you want to play with your shit or not). This type of jealousy is a little more quiet than the previous one, its less confrontational but comes with more spite.

Now when you’ve been together so long and you get married the game completely changes. It’s more similar to the first definition and resentment is the key word here. You start getting jealous of time and achievements. As a woman you start to feel jealous of the extra freedom your husband has over you. You start to blame your partner when you feel held back in your life because you put your family/home first. I think Cece pretty much had this covered in the previous post.

There is one more definition I’d like to add:

4. constantly trying to have one over your partner and look like the good guy.

As childish and pointless as it sounds, this type of jealousy is so real and can happen at any stage of a relationship. You find yourself asking questions you genuinely do not care about, just to show that “hey, I notice you fucking up”. I honestly don’t know why we bother, its tedious and exhausting but for some reason it establishes some balance – unhealthy as it might be.

There’s no great point to this post.

To Love Again?

Starting a new job can be tough.

Like a new relationship, you come into it wondering if you still carry baggages from the old job.

Especially if the former job ended badly and your former superiors let you know they weren’t pleased with you exiting, your work input or results.

You start to wonder, was I committed enough?

Did I show her that I loved her enough?

Did I make her feel wanted?

Did I make her feel like she deserved me or I was settling?

Did I care about her feelings enough?

Was I there for her and present while at it?

If the job ended via a nasty breakup  and you were at the other end of the stick – then it’s a different set of questions.

Did I miss the signs?

Did I not see that she was cold to me?

Her friends didn’t seem to smile at me any longer.

I should have left her long ago, I was scared what she might become of her.

I felt her world revolved around me, I wanted to be there for her.

Her hero and martyr.

But alas I see that it was all in my mind,

She seems to be doing alright now. The replacement boyfriend seems to love her so much. I just hope it lasts and they’re happy.

It now leads to us forming new biases on how we’ll be on our next job.

Oh I’ll put myself first. I need to be selfish about my career.

I’m not even sure I believe in love again.

I cannot come and kee myself jore, the work will never finish.

These prejudices and mind sets will definitely have effects on the new job.

But what else can a new boyfriend do afterall?

Relationship Status: Unclear

I was married for a couple of years but it didn’t work out. Marriage did not work for me. So after about a year of trying to make it work, things finally came to an end.

Now the question I get asked the most is “So are you single now?”. Some people ask out of genuine curiosity, others ask for personal interest (boys will be boys).

I’m still not sure how to answer this question. My entire adult life I’ve only had to deal with “single” or “in a relationship”. When I got married it wasn’t that difficult to adjust to the status of “married” because in essence it’s still “in a relationship”. But now having to consider things like “separated” or “divorced” is a whole new thing.

Socially, I think there should only be two relationship statuses (this word sounds weird). You’re either single or in a relationship. I say that, but I’m not sure I’m quite ready to say it out loud yet.

So yeah, relationship status for now – unclear.

(Yes, I notice my contradictions. Never claimed to have it all figured out. *shrug*)