In the previous post, Cece talked about people being too wrapped up in themselves to care about other people’s problems. While I mostly agree with this, I’ve found that in Nigeria people become quickly bothered if said problem is “gist”.
We have this need to insert ourselves into situations and make it about us. Asides that, I’ve noticed that people get a sense of entitlement to every area of your life once you open up the smallest window of imperfection or insecurity. They pry and probe and ask and ask, and by the end of it you find yourself in a place where you’re defending yourself or justifying all your actions; rather than talking to someone who is genuinely trying to help.
More and more I’m getting to a comfortable place where I do not feel the need to explain away all my actions, or seek the approval or acceptance of every friend and acquaintance.
I say, own up to your mistakes, apologise when you can and after you’ve done all that, make peace with situations and focus on growing.
People form opinions really quickly, and its rare to change them. The only change you can really make is on yourself by trying to be better.
A friend once mentioned she had outgrown certain friendships. She went into a spiel of the sort of people she was keen on engaging but I had stopped listening; with no mention of names I felt hurt “this must be somewhat directed at me” I thought. I found it belittling. How could someone I held with such great esteem think I wasn’t good enough? Again she hadn’t even mentioned my name! Looking back now I see it was my own complexes making me feel little; the truth is next to her I already saw myself smaller before she said anything. This was in my late teens/early 20s.
Fast forward to my late 20s; I found myself feeling the exact way. Now it wasn’t about A friend it was about MOST! I suddenly felt the very few friends I was on similar wavelengths with were in another town. Scratch that. Other countries! Miles away! Am I suffering from the same superiority complex that gave my friend the audacity to outgrow (maybe) me? I don’t know.
I had three main issues:
- I was engaging in fruitless conversations.
- I was learning nothing from most of my friends.
- I felt like my friends were stuck in a loop repeating old mistakes.
I felt more and more stagnant in my growth and these words came to mind:
“You’re The Average Of The Five People You Spend The Most Time With” – Jim Rohn
This really got me thinking about making new friends, but how do I even go about that??? Can’t exactly go back to Uni and have a do-over?
So you tell me, do I need to drop my “high shoulders”? Or is it actually time for a revamp?
Probably right up there on the list of “worst things to say when someone is upset and just trying to rant to you about it”
We all say it. I know I’ve said it before (loads of times). It’s a natural way to “wrap up” a conversation.
How on earth am I supposed to decide what gets to me? If I had this power NOTHING would get to me. I can’t control what gets to me. All I can control is my reaction to a situation.
On the plus side, when my friend said it to me this morning I stopped thinking about the situation and I was mad at the person instead – “that’s all you have to say??”. After a few minutes nothing was “getting to me”.
Your close friends are exhausting because you have to listen to all their issues just as they listen to yours. But I think this is one phrase we should TRY to avoid.