- Don’t cry.
- Don’t talk to strangers.
- Don’t lie.
- Don’t steal.
- Don’t hangout with “bad” friends.
- Don’t talk to boys.
- Don’t have sex.
- Don’t show your emotions.
- Don’t let people know your relationship issues.
- Don’t bring shame on your family.
We are raised with a huge list of things we shouldn’t do. I wonder if most of us would be more rounded adults if the people around us encouraged us to do certain things instead.
- Cry if you have to.
- Engage in meaningful conversations.
- Say things that bring people up.
- Be generous.
- Pick friends that share your goals.
- Interact with the opposite sex at a pace comfortable for you.
- Have safe sex.
- Show your emotions, it’s healthy.
- Talk to your friends and family about what you’re going through, seek professional help if you need it.
- We’re proud of you no matter what you do.
I can’t blame our parents or society for this though…even most of the 10 commandments are a list of don’ts.
I had been told all about the joys of motherhood; how magically the pain of childbirth disappears the moment you hold your little one, the excitement of each process from watching the first steps to the sprout of the first tooth, and how the toothless smiles makes every effort worth it (the list goes on!). And yes each of this I have felt and I still feel as I watch my little one blossom. But no one told me…
No one told me on my return to work I will struggle (though mostly internal struggles) to find a balance between being a mum and still chasing a career. No one told me I would lose my identity because people would only identify me as a mum with an expectation my existence will solely revolve around my child. Why didn’t anyone tell me about the hormone driven night sweats, hair loss and the consistent feeling of being drained that I fear to tag depression?
No one told me the strain this would put on my marriage or that a full night sleep is over till further notice. No one told me I’d hate my own reflection because even 10 months after, my body is nothing like I’ve ever known it (4th Trimester!).
Because no one told me, I’ll tell you.