What Do I Really Want?

When people ask me what I want the first word that pops in my head is “freedom”. But depending on who is asking, I always end up saying something easier to explain like “to be happy” or “to be successful”. For as  long as I can remember I’ve always just wanted to be free even though I’ve never given myself a chance to explore this feeling.

From childhood till now I’ve been constantly engaged…primary school to masters and straight to work. As a student I worked every summer holiday and never traveled as much as I should have. As an adult I was always in some kind of committed relationship – stated or unstated (usually stated).

I constantly feel so weighed down by expectations. The feeling that you’re not quite doing enough. Is this where I want to be at this stage in my career? Do I want to be with this person? And the main question comes – am I truly happy? This is usually when the depression hits.

If this feeling is so strong in me then why don’t I just do it? Take a year out, take time off everything and everyone and see what I want. Maybe I will eventually. But as of today, I don’t have the strength it takes to make the decision.

Perhaps it’s not what I really want?

What do I really want?